Jokes For the Cincinnati Bengals Fan!

OK I am diehard Cincinnati Bengals fan. Yes I know other than the Detroit Lions I am not sure if there is any worst team to be a fan off. But I grew up in Cincinnati and true fan. This year is particularly frustrating year!

Well Dawn Marie and my sister in law sent me these jokes and they are to funny!

Breaking News ! The Ohio Highway Patrol is cracking down on speeders heading into Cincinnati. For the first offense, they give you 2 Bengals tickets. If you get stopped a second time, they make you use them.

Q. What do you call 47 millionaires around a TV, watching the Super Bowl?
A. The Cincinnati Bengals

Q. What do the Cincinnati Bengals and Billy Graham have in common?
A. They both can make 70,000 people stand up and yell “Jesus Christ.”

Q. How do you keep a Cincinnati Bengal out of your yard?
A. Put up a goal post.

Q. What do you call a Cincinnati Bengal with a Super Bowl ring?
A. Old

Q. What’s the difference between the Cincinnati Bengals and a dollar bill?
A. You can still get four quarters out of a dollar bill.

Q. How many Cincinnati Bengals does it take to win a Super Bowl?
A. Nobody remembers.

Q. What do the Bengals and opossums have in common?
A. Both play dead at home and get killed on the road! ?

Miss TSA 2011 Calendar

In response to the TSA’s (Transportation Security Administration) new screening we are publishing the 2011 Miss TSA Calendar!

Miss TSA January 2011

Miss TSA February 2011

Miss TSA March 2011

Miss TSA April 2011

Miss TSA May 2011

Miss TSA June 2011

Miss TSA July 2011

Miss TSA August 2011

Miss TSA September 2011

Miss TSA October 2011

Miss TSA November 2011

Miss TSA December 2011

RIP My Knowm

RIP … my beloved Knowm who protected my house from evil was killed yesterday. High winds swept across our back porch and blew him to the ground. After providing many years of reliable protection he has finally moved on to the after life.

Sad Obituary

An Obituary printed in the London Times … Interesting and sadly rather true.

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, COMMON SENSE, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as: Knowing when to come in out of the rain; Why the early bird gets the worm; Life isn’t always fair; and maybe it was my fault.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don’t spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge).

His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate, teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children.

It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer sun lotion or an Aspirin to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.

Common Sense lost the will to live as the churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims.

Common Sense took a beating when you couldn’t defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.

Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death, by his parents, Truth and Trust, by his wife, Discretion, by his daughter, Responsibility, and by his son, Reason.

He is survived by his 4 stepbrothers;
I Know My Rights
I Want It Now
Someone Else Is To Blame
I’m A Victim

Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone.

If you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing.

Man’s Brain During An Agument!

I know this right … because matter how the argument goes with my wife I always end up being the one to apologize LOL!

argument_fullsize