Best Blonde joke ever
THE BEST BLONDE JOKE OF THE YEAR – SO FAR
A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blonde female neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox.
She opened it then slammed it shut and st ormed back in the house.
A little later she came out of her house again went to the mail box and again, opened it, slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went.
As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here she came out again, marched to the mail box, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.
Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, ‘Is something wrong?’
To which she replied, ‘There certainly is!’
(Are you ready? This is a beauty….)
‘My stupid computer keeps saying, ‘YOU’VE GOT MAIL!’
Hugs and Kisses,
Dawn Marie
My Website: http://www.dawnmariesdream.com
My Blog: http://www.teasingwife.com/
My Twitter: @DawnMariesDream
RIP My Knowm
RIP … my beloved Knowm who protected my house from evil was killed yesterday. High winds swept across our back porch and blew him to the ground. After providing many years of reliable protection he has finally moved on to the after life.
30 Things I learned from porn
30 Things I learned from porn
1. Women wear high heels to bed.
2. Men are never impotent.
3. When going down on a woman 10 seconds is more than satisfactory.
4. If a woman gets busted masturbating by a strange man, she will not scream with embarrassment, but rather insist he have sex with her.
5. Women smile appreciatively when men splat them in the face with sperm.
6. Women enjoy having sex with ugly, middle-aged men.
7. Women moan uncontrollably when giving a blowjob.
8. Women always orgasm when men do.
9. A blowjob will always get a women off a speeding ticket.
10. All women are noisy fucks.
11. People in the 70’s couldn’t fuck unless there was a wild guitar solo in the background.
12. Those tits are real.
13. A common and enjoyable sexual practice for a man is to take his half-erect penis and slap it repeatedly on a woman’s butt.
14. Men always groan “OH YEAH!” when they cum.
15. If there is two of them they “high five” each other.(and the girl isn’t disgusted!)
16. Double penetration makes women smile.
17. Asian men don’t exist.
18. If you come across a guy and his girlfriend having sex in the bushes, the boyfriend won’t bash seven shades of shit out of you if you shove your cock in his girlfriend’s mouth.
19. There’s a plot.
20. When taking a woman from behind, a man can really excite a woman by giving her a gentle slap on the butt.
21. Nurses suck patients cocks.
22. Men always pull out.
23. When your girlfriend busts you getting head from her best friend, she’ll only be momentarily pissed off before fucking the both of you.
24. Women never have headaches… or periods.
25. When a woman is sucking a man’s cock, it’s important for him to remind her to “suck it”.
26. Assholes are clean.
27. A man ejaculating on a woman’s butt is a satisfying result for all parties concerned.
28. Women always look pleasantly surprised when they open a man’s trousers and find a cock there.
29. Men don’t have to beg.
30. When standing during a blowjob, a man will always place one hand firmly on the back of the kneeling woman’s head and the other proudly on his hip.
Three Marriages
The first man married a woman from PENNSYLVANIA . He told her that she was to do the dishes and house cleaning. It took a couple of days, but on the third day, he came home to see a clean house and dishes washed and put away.
The second man married a woman from TEXAS He gave his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes and the cooking. The first day he didn’t see any results, but the next day he saw it was better. By the third day, he saw his house was clean, the dishes were done and there was a huge dinner on the table.
The third man married a girl from KENTUCKY . He ordered her to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed, and hot meals on the table for every meal. He said the first day he didn’t see anything, the second day he didn’t see anything but by the third day, some of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye, and his arm was healed enough that he could fix himself a sandwich and load the dishwasher. He still has some difficulty when he urinates.
Snuggie Has Gone Too Far!
While reading my “morning flyers” this morning I picked up the Canadian Tire weekly flyer & to my surprise they featured a cute dog wearing a “Snuggie” on the front. At first I found it funny but then I wondered how many people are going to get suckered in to buying one. I love my dog but to put a Snuggie on him especially at the low price of only $14.95 plus shipping & handling is a bit much! I googled it and found that they not only have Snuggies for Dogs but they also have Snuggies for Cats?
I was so intrigued by it that I logged on to YouTube to watch the commercial for it. I guess if you “call now” you’ll get the free talking dog tag!!! The talking dog tag is probably the smartest thing they could give as a bonus, because as soon as you manage to get this thing on your pet he’s probably going to jump on the next flight to Alaska where the Snuggie will keep him/her warm & cozy!
Also during the commercial for the Snuggie for Dogs I noticed a lady pulling her dog out of her purse? If you’re keeping your dog in your purse than maybe the SPCA needs to take it away from you to spare it the humiliation of having to wear “The Snuggie For Dogs”. If you really want to buy one of these for your dog, you can visit their “Official Site”
- When I Get Out Of This I’m Going To Shit On Your Pillow!
- How Can I Enjoy My Popcorn In This?
Little Suzie!
Little Susie came home from school with a smile on her face & told her mom, “Frankie showed me his weenie today at the playground.”
Before her mom could say a word Susie went on to say, “It reminded me of a peanut.”
Relaxing with a smile, Susie’s mom asked, “Really small was it?”
Susie said………….”No, it was salty.”
Her mom fainted.
Kisses, Licks, Bangs, and Blows!
Kristine
Priceless!
Today I was going through all my naughty photo’s from a couple of years ago when I first decided that I wanted to be an exhibitionist. I stopped at one pic in particular. I laughed so hard at it that I thought I was going to cry! Remember those priceless commercials? I’ve made one for myself LOL! Remember I was still very new at shooting nude photo’s when this pic was taken so excuse my stupidity 
Having my hair done………………………$69.99
1 Red Fishnet Body Stocking……………$14.99
1 New Pair Of High Heeled Shoes………$49.99
Forgetting to take the price tag off the bottom of my shoes………………PRICELESS!!!…
Accountant’s Tattoo
With tax season upon us how about a good accountant joke? Larry gets home late one night and his wife, Linda, says, "Where in the hell have you been?" Larry replies, "I was out getting a tattoo." A tattoo?" she frowned. "What kind of tattoo did you get?" "I got a hundred dollar bill on my privates," he said proudly. "What the hell were you thinking?" she said, shaking her head in disdain. "Why on earth would an accountant get a hundred dollar bill tattooed on his privates?" "Well, one, I like to watch my money grow. Two, once in a while I like to play with my money. Three, I like how money feels in my hand. And, lastly, instead of you going out shopping, you can stay right here at home and blow a hundred bucks anytime you want!"
Just Call Me Mandy Molar
Today I went to the Dentist to have surgery to remove one of my molars that’s been bothering me. I’ve always hated the Dentist and was not too excited about seeing him today. When I was younger I needed braces. In High School they called me the “Black & Decker Pecker Wrecker”.
So far i’m in a bit of pain but they gave me some Tylenol 3 to ease some of it. Funny thing is when the Dentist was finished working on my mouth he said to me “Don’t go ramming anything in your mouth in the next couple days!” I snickered and he gave me a weird look. I guess i’m a bit of a pervert and he isn’t.
I won’t be online tonite but i’m hoping to get back online tomorrow night. I’m going to stop in for Dreamnet Chat 2nite after the World Jr. Gold Medal game. See everyone there!
A Little Giggle – Don’t Touch!
Miscommunication
A co-worker got a pen stuck inside our printer. He started to try and remove the pen, but I told him we don’t have time for that now, just put a note on the printer telling folks not to use it and then report it to the Help Desk. So he grabbed a piece of paper and scribbled on it. I left before he finished the note.
About 20 minutes later, one of my techs comes in laughing and says he was just in the lobby, saw a piece of paper on a printer and went to investigate.
Attached is what he found. Sometimes things don’t always come out the way you want them to…
Loading ...
